Letting Go...

They say if you really love someone you must have to set him free.. I guess that is true.

In my experience its really a complicated love story between me and Joven. We fell in love last June 2006 and ended our relationship last December. I really miss him and I also knew that he misses me too. But there are some situations that you need to decide what is the real score. I admit I love him... and I still do.. he started courting me again last month.(January 2007) but sad to say that I dont felt any sincere feeling from him. I believe that he already fall out of love for me again. I dont know. Maybe its just a woman instinct. When he admit to me that he is very impatient regarding my comeback to the Philippines... I know that he's getting tired of waiting for me anymore... so what to do?

I filed and ask to my boss to give me my vacation on April... so I talked to him but never gives him any promises because it was not yet approve. Im really planning to go to the Philippines April.. just because of him... i dont know.. because I really want to see him... he told me once that he was afraid that he cannot wait for me if I dont come back on April... and I know he's really getting tired.... that is why I'm afraid to say yes to him again.. its not because that I've found somebody... Its because I dont want to disappoint him and most of all hurt him...
THen finnally my boss told me that Im going to take my vacation on August... that sucks... such a BAD NEWS!.. Im very frustated when I heard that... then back to Joven... since I dont want to disappoint him anymore... I make him angry with me so he can move on to his life... which really hurts me... I do love him... but I need to do this... he is waiting for me in April but I cant.. so its better to end up all his expectation... haaaaiz.. if he only knew...
And Im successful pushing him away.. but look at mah heart.. its totally broken... I miss him so much but he dont want to talk to me anymore... mah bad...
I dont know what will happen next... i just wish that our ways will cross again... I still love him... but I let him go...